Friday 9th April

[adesmith]

What a beautiful day! At least it is in Gwent. The sun has been shining all day and it really has been warm. I have spent most of the day tidying the front garden, first mow of the year, trimming, dead heading, mulching and pruning. I have also planted a few hardy plants that I have grown from seed or moved. We bought some new garden furniture yesterday. It was only cheap but we only had two chairs and a small table before so we needed something more substantial. We christened it today with a Mc Donalds! Rachel's Dad is finishing the shed roof and I have painted the inside, put up shelves and the potting bench so that is already for the growing season (strictly no toys or DIY equipment - it is a traditional potting shed!). Shame its back to school on Monday but with the lighter evenings I intend to be out in the garden a bit in the evenings as well.

I didnt mention yesterday but as some of you know I have had bother with high blood pressure (its often been high in the past) that has been monitored over the last few months. Went to have it checked yesterday and the nurse whipped me off to see the doctor. He has put me on tablets which he said was a 'life sentence'! It did bother me a bit as I didnt really have time to ask questions etc. Anyway I took the first one today and so far I havent had anyside effects and I guess it is better to have it controlled. Kath said on Facebook that I needed to get a different job and I think there may be some truth in that.

[Kath Mulligan]

As I also said to you on FB Adrian, you will soon get used to taking the medication and it is not really a big hassle. My other half was on blood pressure tablets for about 15 years, and other than making him a bit sleepy, they didn't have too many repercussions, and they won't necessarily have the same effect on you. You will probably need regular monitoring but again, that soon becomes just a part of your normal routine. My thyroid gland packed up several years ago and I now have to take tablets for that every day for the rest of my life, with blood tests occasionally to make sure I am on the correct dosage, but it is no big deal.

I was being serious though about maybe needing to think about changing your job. It does seem to have been causing you a lot of stress of late and that is the worst possible thing if you are predisposed to high blood pressure.

Kath

[colleen]

You have to be

[Barbara]

I'm with Kath on this one Adrian. While not underestimating the need to bring in an income, sometimes it is worth investigating alternative avenues to take the pressure off and add quality to life.
If you don't mind me saying, you have a special quality which all of us recognize as unusual and very engaging. Makes me wonder if, with your love of history, you could investigate other ways of earning a living - have you ever thought of gaining employment in museum of archive work - perhaps with a university(other than teaching) or in the National Trust - even research might be an avenue to look at.
My brother is a science teacher - although semi-retired now ( made possible because his wife is a successful accountant) but I always wondered why he didn't try research as he always found the pressure of teaching as a job to be highly stressful.
Definitely food for thought.

[gloria townsin]

I've taken blood pressure tablets for several years Adrian. I began having terrible headaches and my blood pressure was checked, at that time it was way too high but now it sits nicely as it should. Better to take meds for it than to suffer the consequences of having high blood pressure. I also think that if you are doing a stressful job that is making you ill then try and change it. Barbara has made some good suggestions. You have a long time ahead of you to earn a living for your family so better make a change now while you are still young rather than dragging yourself on and on until you feel really unwell and at an age when it is difficult to switch to something else.

[colleen]

My thoughts are that you take yourself with you no matter what you do. So the secret is to change yourself.

[Janet Swan]

My thoughts are that you take yourself with you no matter what you do. So the secret is to change yourself.

I'm with you there, Colleen. I changed jobs many times during my working life, and always managed to get myself stressed while others didn't! Someone I once knew practiced meditation twice a day, and that really did show benefits for him with his health and mental wellbeing. Others find that yoga helps. Probably rather difficult for Adrian to find the opportunity to do something similar with young Rupert around, but maybe worth thinking about, particularly as it is so very difficult to change career paths these days.

Janet

[adesmith]

I am a worry and a stressed person as I think that I have said before. There are things that I know that I can do which help me to relax - gardening for one (and thats probably the best). The trouble is with teaching is that it is so intense and you are are expected to meet deadlines and levels of work that are impossible in the time given. This is even worse when you really believe in the job that you do and want to do it properly. I have a couple of friends at work at the moment who have actually been on long term sick because of stress and then depression. I am actually very firm about what I will and wont do and I wont get involved in the careerism and competition that takes place. My marriage and my family are of the utmost importance to me, much more than being a teacher. Holding to that and standing firm on when I will and wont do something for school is also very difficult. Anyway, I have for sometime been considering my options, which is difficult when you have a real sense of vocation. I feel defeated by the beaurocracy and down right silliness of education today. Sometimes I feel that I cant be the teacher that I want to be. Anyway I have pondered some of the suggestions that Barbara put forward. I would dearly love to pursue something more academic but those jobs are few and far between and would probably require me doing an MA. We are not really in a position at the moment to take too much in a drop of income. I have also considered looking for a job and giving things a go at another school. Again history jobs come up very rarely and there is a sense that you have to be sure that you are not going to jump from the frying pan into the fire! Moving jobs would also require extra work for a couple of years as you get used to new schemes of work etc etc. So where I am at the moment is thinking and praying (my faith helps me a lot in this) and keeping an open mind. I am fortunate to have a job with a decent wage and if I can manage it and keep it in its place (a job after all!) I could just let things tick along. I do need to be careful because it did make me very upset before Christmas, scarily so! So I will keep looking and keep thinking about what I could do.

Anyway on a positive with the tablets, I have suffered with headaches, tiredness and blurred vision for a long time. The doctor said that it is unlikely that this was caused by high blood pressure but the nurse said it could be. I am hoping that with these tablets I may feel a bit better in myself.

Sorry I have rambled on and probably not made much sense but thank you for all of your kind thoughts and concern.

[Linda]

What about a a job at St Fagans! Thats a fascinating place to work....National trust has its own pressures and bureacracy...not enough income coming in and jobs get cut. Museums are Local Authority so not a good time to enter one of them as they are not considered front line services whereas Education is. Uni's also have funding issues....what about a private school Adrian? There are always plenty of 'monied' people wanting private education here for their children whether they come from Britain or abroad. Or could you write a book and see if you can become an author on history or on festive events as a starter..teh comparison between and reason behind them and how they fare today....as a thought. With the later you can continue with your current job until it takes off!

[Barbara]

Now that is an idea, Linda - how about some sort of literary endeavour, Adrian?
My opinion is that some people are good at fitting in with mainstream life - jobs, bureaucracy, etc - and some people aren't. Most people just slog away because they feel that they have little alternative - but it doesn't necessarily have to be like that. Look at Derek and Jeannie, albeit they weren't leaving a monotonous life, but they both knew that the life they had been living was not the one to fulfill them. They carved their future out of Minack - very bravely stepping into a void. Its precisely your attraction to the charms of the story of Minack and the lure of history in general, Adrian that should give you a pointer to where you should be going - perhaps the stress that you're feeling is because your deeper instincts are not being fulfilled (getting a bit deep and meaningful now, aren't I).
I can go alone with Colleen and Jane's sentiments to a certain extent - about changing yourself - but only a certain extent. I think what you do with the life you are given is in a sense really the essence of personal identity.
Definitely time for me to retire tonight (this morning) night night everyone.

[jane jackson]

In Barbara's last sentence she meant Janet not Jane as I haven't commented yet! I've only just read this thread Adrian and do wish you well with the medication which hopefully will solve your blood pressure problems. We have a friend with a similar problem and he manages very well with the tablets as Kath and Gloria have said. I take Ibuprofen for my back pain and you just get used to taking tablets every day ~ I do take as few as possible just enough to control the problem.

As to the change of career, that of course is easier said than done but you've obviously thought a lot about it. I took voluntary severence from Lloyds Bank aged 44 after 27 years but I had only myself to consider at that time. It's always going to be more difficult with a family to consider. I then went as a school secretary to a local small village Primary School where I discovered just what a difficult time teachers were having with all the courses to attend and reports to write up apart from the actual job of teaching.

I hope things will look brighter next week when you return to school and perhaps the medication for the blood pressure will do a great deal to help. You certainly seem to have done a lot in your garden with this lovely weather ~ enjoy your new garden furniture.

[Mary Young]

Im beginning to think there are more of people on bp tablets then not as ive been on them for a few years too. My doctor told me once you are on them it for life so similar to Adrians doctor. Its just part of the morning routine now to pop a pill along with the vitamin one

[gloria townsin]

I think internal frustration the 'I'm banging my head against a brick wall' feeling is possibly the hardest to deal with. It's so unfulfilling to work in something you believe in but you are having to do it with your hands tied behind your back and often with people who don't put as much in. If you are the type who can happily breeze along doing the miniumum while keeping on the boundary of everything I think you don't suffer the stresses of those who are really doing their utmost to make a difference. I do think meditation is very good.........and if you can fit a bit of time for it into your day it would do you a lot of good. I put my heart and soul into things I take on and find it difficult to understand why others don't. But we are all different. I would say the headaches and vision are quite likely to do with high blood pressure.......certainly the headache part. I'm sure you will soon feel better for the meds. As Mary says a tablet in the morning and it's done and dusted.

[Barbara]

Sorry about that, Jane - dropping "T's" is probably a symptom of sitting up too late!
My mum has been on blood pressure medication for many years and her blood pressure is always spot on.

[jane jackson]

No problem Barbara, I'm like that too when I'm tired. I only mentioned it as the conversation had got a bit serious rather than our usual comments.

I got confused with you saying it was time for you to retire for the night as it was nearing that for me too but assume you must have been up into the early hours. I'm not sure how far apart we are in time. I think I'd assumed we were exactly opposite with the clocks but that wouldn't have worked as it would have bee around 10 in the morning with you!

Another glorious day by the start of it ~ Spring has finally sprung.

[adesmith]

Writing a book is also something that I would like to do. One of the teachers in our school is an author and he does teaching because he can then get the holidays to write (he doesnt have children though!!!). Fighting the impending sense of doom today and not being terribly rational about it. Out for dinner with friends this evening and then church in the morning so hopefully I will have a bit of distraction. Just going to plant some Hydrangea cuttings that I took from a bush in Cornwall. I am going to put them in pots, one in the front and then one in the back. Got my Agapanthus plants that I am pleased to say survived the winter and I am going to put them in pots asap as well (running out of compost already after buying two of the biggest bags from B&Q ever on Friday!) Better dash because I will need a bath before I got out and Rachel will be shouting at me!!!

[gloria townsin]

Adrian if you are, as you say, 'fighting the impending sense of doom today' you definitely need a change of career. To be so dreading of going back to work is far too stressful - sometimes we 'dread' having to do a certain job but know once on the other side of it we will be fine again, but this is a day by day job, no good living your life always dreading the days you have to get up for work and marring the days you don't by thinking of what's before you when the holiday is over. It is so easy to say you should change your job/career but for the sake of your health and family I can't see how you will carry on if it's affecting you so badly, no wonder you have high blood pressure. Maybe the thing to do is to decide you are not going to continue and will take your time with what you will do instead, maybe making the decision that you are definitely Not going to be in this situation by next year will make you feel a lot better. I hope so - you seem to be at such odds with how your career is and how you would like it to be.

[Kath Mulligan]

Tend to agree with you there, Gloria. Towards the end of my working life we had had a change of top management and it changed the whole ethos of the company. What had previously been a happy, friendly place to work had suddenly become much more aggressive, ambitious and cut-throat and suddenly I was dreading going to work every morning. I was lucky in that I had worked out my finances and realised that I could afford to retire, provided that I was prepared to accept that money would be a bit tight, and I am so glad that I did.

I realise that, with a family and mortgage, Adrian, you can't just decide to do what I did, but as Gloria says if you make a decision that in, say, twelve months time, you will have made a career change, that should help you to cope with the current stress. I gave my bosses four and a half months notice of my intention to retire, and from that day on, all the nastiness and backbiting tended to flow over my head because I simply didn't care anymore.

Kath

[Barbara]

Well, I seem to be making a habit of this - its the middle of the night again, although I had a doze earlier. Jane, I think the time difference is about eight hours - might be an hour more with daylight saving - not exactly sure, but something like that.
Kath, I'm impressed by the attitude you took in that you chose quality of life on a smaller income and immediately gained independence and peace of mind - its a good example of what I was trying to get at before. Your example of the nastiness and backbiting going over your head is a case in point. What you did was create your own reality - many things that hold us down are really all in the mind. We humans tend to follow each other blindly through the course of our lives - never stopping to think outside the box, yet doing so can literally change the course of our lives and lighten the load. I know I did that when I decided to homeschool Lachlan. I always say when people ask me about the experience that you don't have to be brave to homeschool but you have to be brave to "start" to homeschool.
The fact is that most children do go to an institition to be educated - that is the way it has been done for over a hundred and fifty years - but I wondered how it would be for my son if he was educated within the community instead of being shut away from it. It's not for everyone of course but it suits us just fine - in fact, its a bit like an adventure unfolding every day.

[Gill Bilcliffe]

I am sorry to read about your blood pressure problems Adrian and hope soon you will be feeling more confident in taking your perscribed pills. Having hobbies especially gardening is such a release from every day trials. Meditation is a wonderful way to seek calmness of mind. Ambient music accompanying the moment is an added bonus.

My daughter is also a teacher and her work is very demanding. She comments on the amount of her work colleagues who are suffering depressions. It takes alot to become a teacher and seems so unfair that the result is harrowing stress resulting in health problems.

Of course bringing up a young family it isn't easy to change courses mid stream especailly when the income is adequate. I do wish you well Adrian and in the meantime I hope you enjoy/enjoyed your evening with friends.

Regards
Gilly

[Liz]

I can only agree with everything everyone has said on here Adrian.

When I first started teaching (1974) I loved it and couldn't wait to go to school each day and felt fulfilled and contented. All that changed in the 90's. Everything suddenly became very political and it was more important to have boxes ticked than to teach with inspiration and dedication. No matter how much you put into the job, or how many hours work you did every evening it never seemed enough - the demands of teaching were (and still are) impossible to meet. I am one of those people who like to feel that they have done what was asked of them and to constantly fail (in my eyes) to completely meet demands left me feeling that I was failing. I gradually became more and more unhappy and yes my blood pressure shot through the roof and I've been on tablets ever since.

Unfortunately I was not in a position to give up teaching, we were dependent on my income and apart from retraining for a completely different career (not financially feasible) there was no choice but to soldier on. I kept telling myself that maybe next year things would be better but they never were.
I saw so many teachers fall by the wayside, some had breakdowns others lived on anti depressants.

So Adrian, you have my full sympathy for your present position.

Thinking back the thing we should have done was to have sold the house and rented a small property so that we could have lived on less- easier said than done!

Retirement is wonderful but I do regret the last very unhappy years I spent in teaching - life is too precious to waste.

[jane jackson]

That sounds dreadful Liz that you should have been so unhappy in your chosen career in the latter stages as Adrian is now and that there were so many people in the same or worse state. It really doesn't say much for our Schools and the way the Government has treated teachers especially with all those targets and paperwork that cause such stress and don't seem to have much bearing on the actual teaching of children. I just caught a tiny snippet from "Waterloo Road" the other night and heard the comment in a reply about teaching being more about crowd control and thought then that that seemed to be more the case these days. From the outside there doesn't seem to be the respect for teachers any more. When I was at school in the 50s and 60s when our Headmistress entered the hall when parents were there for an event, all the parents stood up never mind us children and the parents were paying her salary!!!!!!!!!!!

When talking with one of my friends last week about her daughter 17 and son 13, she said she doesn't even know the parents of her children's friends any more. They all seem to socialise without any reference to parents. They have these sleepovers and the kids appear to just text their mothers to say where they're staying with the parents having no knowledge of the people who they're staying with or even if there is an adult in the house.

When I worked in the Bank I didn't always enjoy it as we too had targets to continually beat and promote sales of Insurances etc which turned us into sales people which wasn't what we'd joined the Bank to do. I didn't however suffer from stress or dread going to work although I did escape in the end as I got so fed up with how the Banking world had changed. Latterly I worked in very small branches with only 3 to 5 of us on the staff which did make things more enjoyable and you got more variety and access to customers. We seemed to get invaded by young university graduates in management with no everyday knowledge of the Banking systems who constantly changed the way things had been done for years which had worked really well ~ their changes were never for the better of either customers of staff, only the Bank's profits.

Hopefully Adrian you've had a better day today at school than you expected ~ keep taking the tablets!

I agree with you Liz about retirement being wonderful, especially on such a glorious day as today.

[gloria townsin]

I have only just remembered, my cousin was a teacher in Essex and she is made of pretty stoic stuff but she took early retirement because the job became so stressful it was making her ill. Not sure what this says about teaching but wouldn't make me want to go into it that's for sure. As you say Liz it's not easy to just give up a career and retrain but quality of life is the most important thing and maybe better to have a short time of struggle and get into something you enjoy and doesn't make you ill.

[adesmith]

Thanks for your thoughts. Not too bad at school today but hard work and I am very tired. Think I am going to go to bed in a minute. Found out that one of my colleagues has finally had enough and is leaving in September. He has been at my school (and teaching generally) a year less than me and is thinking of teaching abroad.

Liz you described the way that I feel so well in the way that you described your own experiences. I am going to keep an open mind, look around and see what comes up. It feels like I am admitting defeat when I think about a change because I did (and do) have a real sense of vocation. It wasnt easy going to University at the age of 29, newly married with Rachel being the breadwinner quite simply to be a teacher but I believed it was the right thing to do. When I got through Uni and got a first, the lecturers told me that I shouldnt be a teacher and to use my degree more wisely. They were thinking of me staying on to do research etc but I knew that I wanted to teach and also we needed some financial security at the time. I love working with the pupils and I can honestly say that whilst they can be very difficult and challenging they are not what causes me the real stress. Oh well like I said I will keep an open mind, look around and see what comes up. Also focus on the positives - holidays when I get plenty of time with Rachel and Rupert!

Thanks again for everyones kind thoughts.

[gloria townsin]

Well Adrian, sometimes making a decision, even if it is to carry on for the time being, helps make a situation easier. The flux of indecision is wearing, so if you have decided to teach while you take stock that may well help you feel less stressed. It is difficult, my Dad worked at a company for a good few years hating it but he had a family to support and jobs weren't easy to come by. You'll soon be back in Cornwall and hopefully will be able to spend some of next year's Memorial Weekend with us......that would be good.

[colleen]

Adrian sounds like you have a good attitude, teaching is such an important vocation I always feel what is meant to will come your way. Maybe to still use your gift of teaching but in a different way who knows.

[Liz]

Liz you described the way that I feel so well in the way that you described your own experiences. I am going to keep an open mind, look around and see what comes up. It feels like I am admitting defeat when I think about a change because I did (and do) have a real sense of vocation. It wasnt easy going to University at the age of 29, newly married with Rachel being the breadwinner quite simply to be a teacher but I believed it was the right thing to do.

Thanks again for everyones kind thoughts.


I was the same age as you Adrian when I qualified and started teaching so I know exactly how you feel. When you go into something at a later age its usually because you really want to do it, you feel a passion and dedication towards what is after all a vocation. Its so much harder to eventually let go and try something else.

My only advice to you would be don't leave any changes until it's too late - time really does fly by, before you know it you'll start to feel that maybe its too late to change career........it never is!